1. Why D'art?
Don: Why N'ot?
Alyson: Because we are art fucks; because David said so.
David: I thought of it one day for no particular reason, and - surprisingly - nobody objected to it. Later, we came up with many justifications for the title. We wanted to incorporate a sculpture that's in Michael and Alyson's house into the artwork, and the title of the sculpture is 'Art'. I also wanted to play linguistically with concepts like 'Pop Art' and 'Darts' (as in negative reviews) with both the art work and the types of things that people thought about when they looked at the album. The final justification was an uncanny number of 'arty' references in the songs themselves. One song is a sarcastic diatribe called I'm an Artist. Another is about the 20th-century American artist Mina Loy. And the final song on the album is a prog rock instrumental in the vein of art rock bands like King Crimson.
Michael: I have no idea. I think it started out as David's working title for the outtakes-and-b-sides EP we were GOING to put out right after Kingdom but never did. So it got brought up again when we were talking about possible titles for the NEW album. It sounds catchy enough, though.
Ned: See, now how do you beat Don's answer?
Michael: You know, if you're going to ask us that, then you REALLY should start with 'Why PopCanon?' Is it pretentious to call yourselves PopCANON? Do you people really think you have all THAT diverse a bunch of influences? What, like you all sat around listening to lots of different music or something?
2. Do you play Funk music?
Alyson: Yes, but it takes very exceptional ears to understand the depth of the funky funk funkiness we display - luckily, the Alligator contest convinced us Gainesville is just that exceptional
David: I don't, but I think Donny does.
Don: On our CD players at home, while curled up in bed, thumbs in mouths, crying 'What It Is! come back!!'
Michael: Do we play any other kind of music?
Ned: It's a Big Big Tent here at PopCanon.com -- we play all kinds of music as if we've never played any kind of music before. It's all about the Stew.
Michael: I thought it was all about Stu. Yes, we pitch a HUGE collective tent.
Alyson: Speak for yourself, I see no tent here.
3. Isn't the whole post-modern thing boring and old?
Alyson: Yes, about 30 years.
David: It might be boring, at least in the way it's usually talked about and self-consciously practiced by artists. But I don't think the ideas and cultural values that define post-modernism are past us historically, so I wouldn't agree with the 'old' part. I'm still fascinated by much of it, but then I'm also fascinated by the idea of the 99-cent sandwich, and I'll pretty much try every new one that comes out.
Ned: Compared to what? Millennium fever? The only reason fin-de-siecle capitalism latched on to the term 'alternative' instead of 'postmodern' is because there wasn't any confusion about whether to use a hyphen or not... Some people are born postmodern, some people achieve postmodernity, and some people have postmodernity thrust upon them: we're all of these and then some.
Michael: Jeez, Millennium fever is DEFINITELY boring and old. 'I'm staying home because my car might crash due to the Y2K bug, after all I'm told there's a memory chip or two in the radio...' You have to allow people their little excitement, though -- it's not every year that they have to change the FIRST TWO DIGITS of the year they write on their checks.
4. Few rock band have tried to mix pop with the avant garde..... (Zappa, Pixies, Captain Beefheart...)... even fewer have had any serious success (the Beatles being the biggest example)... why try so hard?
Ned: You mean there's an easy way? Dammit.
Alyson: Who says we are trying? We mix like the master in the pasteurization of pop culture's undermining of society. It's from the soul, man.
David: I don't know that we try particularly hard at that. If we do it at all, it just sort of comes naturally because we're all kind of freaks. Really I think we're just a rock band that's been heavily influenced by certain avant garde movements of the past, but not particularly avant garde ourselves. If we were, I'm not sure we would know that we were, or be able to say that we were.
Don: Does someone have to shoot you before you're considered a success? If Pixies, Zappa, and Captain Beefheart aren't serious success, then I give up now. Besides, we're more like a Pop band mixing Rock and the Avant-garde. Get yer facts straight, or this interview is OVER.
Michael: It's the only way we've ever known. And what does the word pretentious mean, anyway? That we're PRETENDING to do or be something? Like a rock band that records stuff? And then I guess we're pretending to have fans that care to hear it...
Alyson: Oh and like other 'real' rock bands aren't pretending to have hair? or skill? or love? or a soul?
5. Is it pretentious for an unsigned band to make a 'b-sides' project?
Don: That's it. This interview is OVER. This wasn't in the contract.
Alyson: Um, oops, I wasn't supposed to call it that when I told you about it...scratch this question
David: Absolutely, but we're all about being pretentious. Our album is called D'art for fuck's sake. Just for background - the project you are mentioning is tentatively called Pricksongs and Descants. It contains a bunch of unreleased stuff from various recording sessions as well as some wacky remixes. We plan to release it in a limited edition around the same time that D'art is ready. Although I think we may have referred to it as a B-sides project in a newsletter or on our webpage, I personally don't think of it that way. It's more of a house-cleaning project. There are just so many songs that we have recorded that are just sitting around, and a lot of people have asked us if they could get recordings of some of those songs. For any number of reasons, none of those tracks made it onto Kingdom or D'art, and we just wanted to get them out on something.
Michael: Absolutely. But you know, it's for the fans. All 53 of them throughout the Southeast (but mostly Alabama)...
Ned: No, but thanks for asking. I'm guilty of referring to Pricksongs & Descants (now *there's* a pretentious title!) as a 'b-sides collection', but that was more of a PUN than anything else, since there are no more singles to speak of, hence there are no b-sides...honestly, we're just so pumped up with OldSchool PunkRawk ValueForMoney Fever here in the PopCanon Compound that we thought it wouldn't be right not to put out the few musical treasures we had stored in our Feathered Vault...
Alyson: Uh uh uh feathered vault - oh yeah.
Ned: (continuing) ...We still get people who complain about how they used to like us more when we were 'funnier' and sang more songs about having sex with vegetables, and didn't use so many minor ninth chords, so this is a little treat for them--some of the wacky old songs like El Gordo and Little Green Men, but also noisy freakouts like I'm So Squeaky and our scorching feminist anthem Penis Envy. (see question 23) But you *know* we're Idiot Pack Rats about our recordings--I mean, why bother remastering and rereleasing (with bonus tracks!) our debut album two years after? Do you think there was a widespread clamoring to hear, i don't know, more *sax* on Merimble? (well, from other than Donny?) I'm telling you: we're the Ira Gershwins of Indie Rock.
Michael: 'Man, I liked you guys better back when you didn't use so many minor ninth chords...' Yeah, we get that all the time. Hey, that's not a bad band name -- IdiotPacRats (you have to leave the 'k' off of pack, to get that PacMan culture reference in, for the kids). Kinda reminds me of IdiotSavantGarde. It's a better name than PopCanon, anyway...Dude, that gives me an idea -- I'm just going to start saying that to people that ask me 'when are you guys going to be playing in town again? I keep meaning to go see you...' I'm going to tell them, 'dude, sorry, but we broke up last month...' (unless it would be an OBVIOUS lie to them, like I'm holding a flyer in my hand for tonight's show...)
Alyson: Dammit Blue - I mean dammit Lorien - I mean dammit so-called band called The Semantics. We could simply break up and play our last show every time we play, like Sick Dick.
6. So when will you be on MTV?
Ned: When Carson Daly quits blocking all my calls on Total Request Live.
Alyson: We will never be on MTV--VH1 will air our Behind the Music in twenty years and ask, 'why weren't you ever on MTV' and we will reply, 'And give the man the satisfaction of humiliating us? No way, it's about the music, not the video!'
David: I'm constantly thinking of ideas for videos, but we don't yet have the resources to make what I would consider a good one. There are a handful of videos out there that people have made for us as film school projects and such. I made a video of the PopCanon Fight Song, but we never did anything with it. As far as when MTV is going to take an interest in any of these things that we're doing, that's out of my grasp.
Michael: When we spend a lot of money on a video...? (and it would help to write songs that sound more like Korn, or Sister Hazel, or Korn doing Sister Hazel.)
7. When will you break up?
Alyson: We already did
David: We break up practically every day, but we always rediscover the love.
Michael: Right when we finally start to get popular. Probably right after the album comes out. And just BEFORE the b-sides album comes out, so it can become the highly sought after rare unreleased collector's item.
Ned: Well, we're hoping to perform the trick of so many bands that people always tell 'Dude, I keep meaning to go out and see you guys--I hear that you're great!' -- we figured we'd work for a YEAR on an amazing new album and go thousands of dollars in debt, and then break up at the CD Release Party, not unlike the two-day Rockstravaganza we're going to have at the Common Grounds on 3 & 4 December!! How's that for a CG Newsletter scoop?
Michael: We should start spreading that rumor now, maybe it'll boost attendance at this thing. Seriously, Jay, could you start leaking that around the CG? Hey, we should break up after every song tomorrow night at the Tom Miller show, that would be pretty funny. We could have Tom talk us into getting back together for 'just one more song' each time...
Alyson: But I'm not throwing my instrument off the stage like a little boy.
8. Don't you think Robert Coover (not the song) really sucks?
Don: I'm returning to the interview to defend the Locrian modality. The Song rocks, but Spanking the Maid was a disappointment. It may have been short, but there were no pictures, and it was one of the least hot fuck-books I've ever read.
Alyson: That's David and Ned's opinion - I actually think he is quite brilliant - didn't he write about the reader response and the phallacy of our dichotomous culture? That's brilliant...
David: I'm a big fan of his short stories and one or two of his novels, but the bulk of his work is kind of wordy and uninteresting.
Michael: Yes, especially for letting the Hypertext Hotel website go away.
Ned: Yes, it's true, but the song kicks ass--isn't that enough? but again: Big Tent. Dave loves Coover, I love Borges, and we each get to sing about it. Isn't that what bands are about: singing about your favorite authors and playing the egg?
Michael: I love Harlan Ellison, but singing about Sci-Fi writers is so GAY! We'd be like Neal Peart of Rush, and NOBODY wants that!
Alyson: I thought we WERE like Neal Peart of Rush - just listen to David's voice on Parking Garage or Give it Up...
David: That would be Geddy Lee of Rush - the singer. We are more like him than we are like Neal Peart.
Don: I though Neil Peart (that wanker) was the drummer.
Alyson: I'm proud of the fact that I DIDN'T recognize my mistake! Fuck Rush!
Don: They can all eat a bowl of dicks.
Ned: Nice Ice-T reference, chief.
Michael: Neil Peart also read (reads?) a lot of Ayn Rand, and he writes all of Rush's lyrics. Geddy Lee just sings them.
Don: All the more reason they all should die--they violate so many of my rules
or rock:
1. drummer shouldn't speak
2. drummer shouldn't write lyrics
3. singer should write his own goddamn lyrics (anyone can sing, jesus)
4. drummer shouldn't read
5. NO one should read Ayn Rand.
9. Ok... arm wrestling contest.. who wins... Paul Weller or Paul Reller?
Alyson: good question.
David: Paul Weller. Reller
Don: I loved Citizen Kane, so I'll go with Paul Weller.
Michael: Paul Reller is obviously bigger, and writes tougher loungepop songs.
Ned: Peter Weller and Uri Geller take them in the Best of Three Falls. Penn & Teller officiate, live from the Rathskellar.
Michael: And then they show the whole thing on P&T's Sin City show, with naked dancing girls.
10. I hold a gun to your head and say I'm gonna kill you.... but first you get to listen to two minutes of one PopCanon song.... which one would it be...?
Michael: The last music I get to listen to is PopCanon? Couldn't you just go ahead and shoot me, then?
Alyson: The love song.
David: Man, what an insane question. My favorite PC song to listen to is Mina Loy. There's a lot of shit going on in that song.
Don: The B-side track that's an outtake of a solo for Hey3, with everything but the sax part removed. After that I dunno, maybe just some tracks of me talking or something.
Ned: I refer you to the answer the Right Honourable Gentleman Mr. Murphy gave some moments before.
11. David Geffen flies down to G'ville and offers you a million dollar contract. He also asks you to pick three more local bands that he will offer the same contract to...which bands would you pick? (cannot include any bands that a member of PC is in)...
Alyson: Cygnet Committee, Whoreculture and Sick Dick and the Volkswagens...oh wait, these all broke up - damn!
David: That condition rules out the Chairs, who would otherwise be my first choice. I would have to say Squeaky, Szechwan Pork and Pawn Rook Four.
Don: James Lantz, The Amazing Mr. Slug, and Two Queer. I want to see Geffen go down in Flames!
Michael: Um... Squeaky, Dirty Poodle, maybe On Cloud Nine (but only if they put their name back to just 'Cloud Nine'...).
Ned: Squeaky and Dirty Poodle, undoubtedly. I think the PR4 and OC9 are perfectly capable of getting their own contracts. And I reject your conditions, so I'll say the Chairs for my third pick. If that bitch Geffen wants my advice, he'll take what I give him: or I'll pet the whole world...with a knife! And then rock it to sleep.
[12, 13 & 14 were elaborate questions involving celebrities, PC and the WWII board game Axis & Allies, which no one much wanted to answer.]
Ned: I will not sully my UF Bachelors' of Arts degree in History by engaging in these 'what if' scenarios...there is only torment and heartbreak in such speculation. I mean, really--what if George Washington was invisible and had a robot friend?
Michael: Dude, in the 1700's?! That would rock SO LARGE!
15. Why the hell do you tour so much?
Ned: We're involved in an extremely elaborate and long-running game with our 'fans' in other states, wherein they promise to come see us play, we go to their town, and we play to another empty room as they explain that the International Eyelash Festival (or some such excuse) was there that weekend. Also, we just don't get enough bbq, LSD or std's offered to us when we play in town.
Michael: Or a frat party at some guy's house up the street (the Eyelash Fest was a joke, but THIS excuse is real, and is the one we hear most often)... But at least we still have our health insurance.
Alyson: We only tour when the Gators are playing at home
Don: Two-three weekends a month? Oh yeah, we're touring monsters.
Michael: We're idiots.
16. Who is the coolest member of the band?
Alyson: Duh...me.
David: Alyson.
Michael: Don... just ask him.
Don: Pleading the fifth.
Ned: Satan.
17. Who gets hit on by women the most?
Alyson: Alyson.
David: Alyson.
Michael: Alyson.
Don: Pleading the fifth.
Ned: Blue.
Michael: Wouldn't Blue be more likely to be 'hit BY women the most'? Or maybe 'hit on by not-to-be-women-for-another-5-years'?
18. Who SHOULD be hit on by women the most?
Alyson: Alyson.
David: In terms of what criteria?
Michael: Robby.
Don: Ned. It would make him feel good.
Ned: I take exception to Don's answer: NOTHING would make *me* feel good.
19. Who should the women be scared of? (no grammar please)
Alyson: Alyson.
David: Ned. He frightens me.
Don: Robby. (have you seen that tent?)
Michael: Berkeley Bush.
Ned: And I am nonplussed by David's answer: is he telling us that *he* is a woman? But Michael's right: stay away from Berkeley Bush.
20. You're forced by the evil David Geffen to cover one Beatles song every PC show... which one would it be?
Alyson: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Why? because the song is about drugs, and so are we.
David: Eleanor Rigby.
Don: Not Your Stepping Stone.
Michael: The same one every show? I think we would try to do a different one every couple of shows or so... But I guess to start I might pick A Day in the Life, because it's got so many different parts.
Ned: Wild Honey Pie, Komm Gibt Mir Deine Hand, Sie Liebt Dich, Flying, The One After 909, The End, Revolution #9...
Michael: We could put a #9 in it. And then we'd still spell the title the same way, but we'd pronounce it 'sharp 9' instead of 'number 9'. That's so US!
21. John Lennon comes back from the dead and the Beatles reform. They hear about your legendary version of their song... Now they want to cover a PC song, but they will let you choose.... what will it be?
Michael: They should do our cover of THEIR song, just like it happened with Thank You God (PopCanon covers Clang's version of Planet Ten's cover of Clang's song).
David: Mina Loy.
Don: Ironica, because that song's really about the Beatles anyways.
Ned: Snowbird.
22. With the reformed Beatles playing PC, you guys are now fashionable.... now Prince wants to cover a song... again you get to pick... what will it be?
David: Same song.
Don: Ironica, because that song's really about O{+> anyways.
Michael: Dude, what's with this Beatles obsession?
Ned: Swamp Rock.
23. I heard this rumor that PC was anti-feminist... explain?
Don: Well, PopCanon is always trying to break down boundaries. We're tired of rock music being such a female-dominated genre. Young men watching MTV have no decent role models; we want to change that. We want to tell those young boys and men 'Hey! you don't have to 'play dumb.' You don't have to cheer from the sidelines!' True, we've made the concession of having a woman in the band; it was a compromise we felt we could live with. But 'guy-rock' is definitely here to stay. And maybe someday, it won't seem so 'out there.'
Alyson: Wait a minute - you are projecting the whole on the individual and honestly I'm a little offended by that...in fact I'm offended by this whole damn interview - I'm walking out...interview over!
David: It was your wife that started that rumor. Ask her.
Michael: Rumours started by your own wife don't count. (Hey, take note of my pretentious use of the European spelling of rumours, there...) PopCanon is anti-everything, so necessarily we're anti-feminist, but that also means we're anti-anti-anti-feminist...
Ned: I'd give Don the last word on that one. And this interview IS over! You never once asked about my solo album!